Catholic prayer for marriage

Marriage is a sacrament, and like every sacrament it runs on grace, which means it runs on prayer. The prayers below come from old Catholic prayer books and from Scripture, all in the public domain and printed word for word: a prayer for husband and wife together, a wife's prayer for her husband, a husband's prayer for his wife, Tobias and Sara's wedding-night prayer, the Church's own nuptial blessing, and a prayer for the days when marriage is hard. After them come the saints we ask to pray for married couples.

A prayer for marriage

This is "A Prayer to be said by Husband or Wife" from the Manual of Prayers published by order of the Third Plenary Council of Baltimore in 1888, the official prayer book of the American bishops in its day. It can be said alone or together, and the words in brackets are for couples with children.

O merciful God, we humbly beseech Thee to send Thy blessing continually upon us, and to make us thankful for all that Thou hast already vouchsafed unto us; and as Thou hast made us one in the mystical grace of matrimony, grant that we may be also inwardly of one heart and of one mind, paying due honor one to another, united in love to Thee and to each other in Thee; living together in peace and holiness, as faithful members of Thy Church, denying ourselves, and being a mutual help, comfort, and support to each other, all the days of our life. [Give us grace to train our children in Thy faith and fear.] Bless us with health and strength, if it be Thy will, and with whatever else Thy good providence shall see to be best for our souls and bodies. Fit and prepare us day by day for our departure hence, that we may together inherit eternal life in Thy heavenly kingdom. Through the merits of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Saviour. Amen.

Notice where it ends. The old prayer books never stop at a happy life together; they ask that husband and wife reach heaven together. That is what the sacrament is for.

A prayer for my husband

The same 1888 manual gives "A Wife's Prayer." Its language is the language of its time and of St. Paul's letter to the Ephesians, and we print it as it stands. Its heart is tender: to soothe him in perplexity, cheer him in difficulty, refresh him in weariness.

O merciful Lord God, who in the beginning didst take Eve out of the side of Adam and didst give her to him as a helpmate: give me grace to live worthy of the honorable estate of matrimony to which Thou hast called me, that I may love my husband with a pure and chaste love, acknowledging him as my head, and truly reverencing and obeying him in all good things; that thereby I may please him, and live with him in all Christian quietness. Keep me from all worldliness and vanity. Help me, O Lord, that I may, under him, prudently and discreetly guide and govern his household. Let no fault of mine aggravate any sins by which he may be especially tempted; enable me to soothe him in perplexity, to cheer him in difficulty, to refresh him in weariness, and, as far as may be, to advise him in doubt. [Give me understanding so to fulfil my part in the education of our children, that they may be our joy in this world and our glory in the next.] Grant that our perfect union here may be the beginning of the still more perfect and blissful union hereafter in Thy kingdom; and this I pray through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Many wives add their husband's name and a Hail Mary, and give him to the care of St. Joseph, who knows what it is to carry a family.

A prayer for my wife

"A Husband's Prayer" in the same book asks for the love St. Paul asks of husbands: to love a wife "as Christ loved His Church." Where the words in parentheses come, the manual tells the husband to name his own besetting sin.

O gracious Father, Maker and Preserver of heaven and earth, who in the beginning didst institute matrimony, thereby foreshadowing the mystical union of the Church with our Saviour Christ, who, in the time of His ministry upon earth, did honor marriage with His first miracle: enable me, I pray Thee, by Thy grace to live in holiness and purity with the wife whom Thou hast given me. Mortify in me all violence of earthly passion, all selfishness and inconsiderateness ( . . . ), that I may love her as Christ loved His Church, cherish and comfort her as my own body, and have as great care for her happiness as for my own. Grant that we may live in peace, without contention; in unity, without discord. [Give us, O Lord, discreet hearts and understanding minds, to bring up our children in Thy faith and fear, that they may be obedient to Thee and to Thy commandments, and to all that Thou requirest of them in duty towards their parents.] And give us, O Lord, a competency of estate, to maintain ourselves and our family according to that rank and calling wherein Thou hast placed us, without excess or vainglory, in singleness and pureness of heart. Grant this for Jesus Christ's sake, to whom, with Thee and the Holy Ghost, be all honor and glory, now and for ever. Amen.

The "first miracle" is the wedding at Cana, where Our Lady noticed the wine had run out and her Son changed water into wine (John 2:1-11).

Tobias and Sara's prayer (Tobit 8)

Scripture gives married people their own prayer. In the Book of Tobit, young Tobias marries Sara, whose seven earlier bridegrooms had died on their wedding nights. Guided by the archangel St. Raphael, Tobias does not rush. In the Douay-Rheims translation (Tobit 8:4-10):

Then Tobias exhorted the virgin, and said to her: Sara, arise, and let us pray to God today, and tomorrow, and the next day: because for these three nights we are joined to God: and when the third night is over, we will be in our own wedlock. For we are the children of saints, and we must not be joined together like heathens that know not God. So they both arose, and prayed earnestly both together that health might be given them, And Tobias said: Lord God of our father, may the heavens and the earth, and the sea, and the fountains, and the rivers, and all thy creatures that are in them, bless thee. Thou madest Adam of the slime of the earth, and gavest him Eve for a helper. And now, Lord, thou knowest, that not for fleshly lust do I take my sister to wife, but only for the love of posterity, in which thy name may be blessed for ever and ever. Sara also said: Have mercy on us, O Lord, have mercy on us, and let us grow old both together in health.

Sara's line is one of the most beautiful sentences in the Old Testament. Couples pray it on their wedding day, on anniversaries, and on hard nights: "let us grow old both together in health." Raphael is also the saint people ask when they hope to meet a husband or wife; see our St. Raphael prayer.

The Church's blessing on a marriage

At a Nuptial Mass, after the Our Father, the priest turns to the kneeling bride and groom and prays the nuptial blessing. The 1888 Manual prints the first of its prayers this way:

Be favorable, O Lord, unto our prayers, and graciously protect Thine ordinance, whereby Thou hast provided for the propagation of mankind; that what is now joined together by Thine authority may be preserved by Thy help. Through our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

And after Communion, the Mass for Bride and Groom asks God to "preserve in continual peace those whom Thou hast joined in lawful union." Both prayers suit any married couple on any day. A marriage the Church has blessed is one God promises to help; when we pray for our marriage we are asking him to keep that promise.

A prayer for a troubled marriage

Old prayer books knew that married life has crosses. The Key of Heaven (New York, 1870) gives this prayer "For a Husband or Wife," and it fits a troubled marriage well, because it asks for the plain virtues that keep a marriage alive: patience, humility, discretion and a love for peace.

O God, who hast ordained the holy state of matrimony, wherein I am engaged, grant me grace to comply with all its obligations, and to perform them in such a manner as is becoming a Christian, not an unbeliever. Preserve my love undefiled, according to thy divine command, and let the duty of love help to conduct me with comfort through all the obligations and difficulties of my state. Grant me discretion to manage all circumstances for the best, a true love for peace, and such a discreet compliance as to resign my own thoughts and inclinations for preserving it. Inspire me with true humility and patience, that I may submit to and bear with all crosses in the manner thy apostle requires. Furnish me with all other helps, that whatever difficulties may occur, I may persevere with cheerfulness in discharging the duties of my state, and never yield so far to any weakness, ill-humor, or impatience, as to weaken, much less to break the bond which thou hast sanctified, and which cannot be dissolved but by death. May I always be faithful and indefatigable in the discharge of the duties of my state, doing and suffering whatever falls to my lot, with such absolute submission to thy will, that both in peace and trouble, in prosperity and adversity, I may ever remember to resign myself cheerfully, O God, to thy pleasure or permission; and under all difficulties, still labor to work out my salvation.

Two saints are especially close to marriages in trouble. St. Rita of Cascia married young in the 1390s; the Roman Martyrology remembers that she bore patiently with a violent husband and reconciled him to God before he was killed in a feud. St. Monica was married to Patricius, a hot-tempered pagan, and St. Augustine records in the Confessions that she won him for Christ near the end of his life. Let us ask them both to pray for every husband and wife who are struggling tonight.

Patience is a virtue; danger is not a cross God asks anyone to carry. If you or your children are not safe at home, get to safety first and talk to your priest; the Church wants you safe, and prayer goes with you.

Many couples in hard times also turn to Mary, Undoer of Knots, whose devotion grew out of a traditional story about a German couple's marriage saved in 1615, and to the Surrender Novena.

The saints we ask to pray for marriages

Our full list is on the patron saints of marriage page. These are the ones married people turn to most:

• St. Joseph and the Blessed Virgin Mary. The holy spouses of Nazareth are the first patrons of every Christian home. Ask St. Joseph for husbands and fathers, and Our Lady for everything.
• Sts. Joachim and Anne, the parents of Mary, who by tradition waited many years for a child.
• Sts. Louis and Zélie Martin, a watchmaker and a lacemaker who married at midnight in the church of Notre-Dame in Alençon on July 12-13, 1858, raised five daughters, among them St. Thérèse, and buried four children. Pope Francis canonized them together on October 18, 2015, saying they "practised Christian service in the family, creating day by day an environment of faith and love."
• St. Rita and St. Monica for difficult marriages.
• St. Raphael, who led Tobias to Sara.
• St. Gianna Beretta Molla, a 20th-century wife, mother and doctor.

How to pray for your marriage

• Pray together, even briefly. One Our Father and one Hail Mary said side by side before sleep does more than either spouse expects. Tobias and Sara began their marriage on their knees.
• Pray for your spouse by name every day, especially on the hard days.
• Go to Mass together and, when you can, to Confession. The grace of the sacrament of Matrimony is renewed at the altar.
• Keep the anniversary as a holy day. Many parishes bless couples on their anniversaries; ask your priest. Some couples have a Mass offered for their marriage each year.
• Ask the saints. Put a picture of the Holy Family or of Louis and Zélie where you will see it.

St. Joseph and Holy Mary, pray for us. Sts. Louis and Zélie, pray for our homes. And may the God of Tobias and Sara let every husband and wife who prays these words "grow old both together in health."